Monday, April 16, 2012

The "family" thing..

I may have posted about this before and if I did just get over it please forgive me. 

I understood that I would be parenting alone when I was only a few months pregnant because that is when the ex divorced me.  I think for the most part I was ok with it even though I do not like being labeled a single mother.  Back then, I was different though.  I didn't think I would be alone for ever because for some crazy reason, I really did want to get married again and have at least one more child. 

Anyway, fast forward 9 years to now.  On Friday, son and I went to his school for family night as we have done every year since he started kindergarten.  I always enjoy these nights and appreciate the PTA members for doing this for the school.  This is the second time though, that I've had these pangs of insecurity something in my gut. I just felt totally out of place among all of the husband/wife/multiple children families. On the way home, that feeling turned to sadness for my son. 

The sadness is because he will never get to experience what I had growing up; mom, dad and 4 sisters.  That was my plan for any kids I had; mom, dad, at least one sibling.  Was that too much to expect?! My sadness then quickly turned to anger at the ex when I realized things should have been different. 

Yesterday didn't help the situation.  I work Sundays and when we got home my son just went to the family room and started crying.  When I asked what was wrong, he said "he doesn't get to be a regular kid."  He said when he gets home during the week he has to do homework, eat and get ready for bed (I work until 6, unfortunately).  He said he wishes he could come home and have time to play.  Of course, I started thinking that if I had a husband, he could do that and he could stay home on Sunday while I worked instead of having to go to someone else's house all day. 

I guess this is just my thoughts vent for the day. 

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