Saturday, December 29, 2012

Reflecting and looking ahead to 2013

Honestly,I'm ambivalent about starting a new year.  The last few years for me have been just blah; nothing spectacular to write home about.  I have to say most of what has been going on has been due to my bad choices and my decision to "do me" with no regard for the consequences.  I joke about how I've broken at least half of the Ten Commandments since 2008! While I don't regret any choice I've made, I know I want to do better, live better and get back to the true me. 

The last few years have taught me that I'm not perfect (gasp!) and I'm not better than the next person.  I used to often say "what kind of person does X?"  Well I've discovered that person is me, or you or whoever.  No one is above making a bad choice, so never say what you will NEVER do. 

I don't make new year's resolutions because, well, I just don't.  What I will say is if God allows me to live into the new year, I plan to become healthier and not just physically.  I want to become healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally and socially.  Part of that plan is to return to counseling.  I need to do this for me and for my son as well.  I've struggled alot this last year with depression and anger and have had some scary thoughts that I've never experienced before. 

I don't blog much and probably will blog even less in the new year because decreasing my internet time is another plan for the upcoming year.  There are too many other things I could and need to be doing and I have realized the internet is a time killer for me. 

To my handful of readers, have a great, prosperous and loving new year! I plan to do the same.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Jingle Bells and random thoughts at The Mom Spot

Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate to all! I hope everyone is having a great day and enjoying family and friends, because that is mostly what this holiday is about. 

I don't have alot of thoughts today; more like a small vent along with some randomness.  This has been a wierd holiday season for me.  I don't know if it's depression, the fact that my period just went off or what but I've been really weepy the last week.  For instance, I dropped my son at my mom's yesterday and my sister was there and said have a good day as I was leaving and I was in tears by the time I got to the car.  One day last week after dropping the boy off at school, I had to fight back tears on the way to work.  I've been back on anti-depressants for over a month now, so I don't know what is going on.  Hmmm...

Anywho...today was nice.  My family did our traditional Christmas breakfast at my mom's house and opened gifts.  We even broke from tradition and did Christmas dinner at my oldest sister's house, as a matter of fact, we just got home.  Needless to say, I AM STUFFED!  The food and the company was great! 

On to my small rant.  I'm going to try and keep it short because I don't want to give him that much of my energy this post to be a downer.  So, it is almost 7 pm and ask me if the boy has heard from his dad yet?! He called me briefly while we were at my sister's to ask for my brother in laws phone number; never asked about our son, never asked to speak to him, nothing.  Every time I think I'm over it (whatever "it" is), he does yet one more thing that makes me wish his sperm and my egg had never met. 

So, on that note, I leave you all with another Merry Christmas!  Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Randomness from The Mom

Hey readers...how's it going?  I haven't shared my random thoughts lately so I thought I would.  Here ya go:

This thought is not meant to be offensive or thoughtless but it's something that crossed my mind recently.  I notice that women seem to take ALL of the heat when it comes to affairs.  If she's sleeping with a married man, she's a skank, whore, slut, etc., and usually it's other women throwing these names around.  I often wonder if men look at other men that are sleeping with married women and call them names...hmmm...I doubt it.  Personally, I think the man that is married and sleeping with multiple women is the slut, whore, etc.  Then again, I have found that I think and act totally different from 95% of females that I know and have encountered...oh well. 

On a lighter note; I refuse to turn my a/c back on at home but it has been so uncomfortable in the house the last few nights.  I've been turning the ceiling fans on so we can sleep somewhat comfortable.  It's been around 80 degrees for the last couple of weeks...ugh.  I know this is part of living where I live but sometimes, it would be nice to have a cool Christmas, not a Christmas with beach weather. 

I'm still wondering why 4th grade has been so easy for my son.  I really feel like I'm missing something and they're going to spring some crazy hard work on him for the rest of the year and he won't be prepared.  He got his report card Friday and made the Honor Roll (YAY!).  Don't get me wrong, this is how he normally performs, and I'm super proud of him, but I think the rough year he had last year really threw me.  Is 3rd grade really that hard in my state?!