Forgiveness...still working on it

I posted a bit ago about my journey to forgive my ex. I figured it was time after 9 years of being divorced :0

Anywho...on this journey, I've realized something. A lot of my anger and unforgiveness isn't really about my ex; I'm really angry with MYSELF! I've asked myself a million times, "what if I had just listened to my parents or others that had doubts or even that voice in my own head", "what if I hadn't continued sleeping with him even AFTER he served me with divorce papers (and got pregnant--how DUMB was that?!)

I seem to be doing much better in my interactions with the ex but now I'm on a quest to figure out how to forgive me. This seems so much harder than forgiving others. I don't consider myself a perfectionist but I do tend to be hard on myself.

I'm not supposed to make the same bad choices that others make. What makes me better than anyone else?!

I hope soon to work it all out. I know it's a process and I'm willing to go through it. Unforgiveness and anger has definitely held me back and lately has led to me making some very unhealthy choices...something else for me to not forgive myself about...vicious cycle


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