Saturday, December 29, 2012

Reflecting and looking ahead to 2013

Honestly,I'm ambivalent about starting a new year.  The last few years for me have been just blah; nothing spectacular to write home about.  I have to say most of what has been going on has been due to my bad choices and my decision to "do me" with no regard for the consequences.  I joke about how I've broken at least half of the Ten Commandments since 2008! While I don't regret any choice I've made, I know I want to do better, live better and get back to the true me. 

The last few years have taught me that I'm not perfect (gasp!) and I'm not better than the next person.  I used to often say "what kind of person does X?"  Well I've discovered that person is me, or you or whoever.  No one is above making a bad choice, so never say what you will NEVER do. 

I don't make new year's resolutions because, well, I just don't.  What I will say is if God allows me to live into the new year, I plan to become healthier and not just physically.  I want to become healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally and socially.  Part of that plan is to return to counseling.  I need to do this for me and for my son as well.  I've struggled alot this last year with depression and anger and have had some scary thoughts that I've never experienced before. 

I don't blog much and probably will blog even less in the new year because decreasing my internet time is another plan for the upcoming year.  There are too many other things I could and need to be doing and I have realized the internet is a time killer for me. 

To my handful of readers, have a great, prosperous and loving new year! I plan to do the same.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Jingle Bells and random thoughts at The Mom Spot

Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate to all! I hope everyone is having a great day and enjoying family and friends, because that is mostly what this holiday is about. 

I don't have alot of thoughts today; more like a small vent along with some randomness.  This has been a wierd holiday season for me.  I don't know if it's depression, the fact that my period just went off or what but I've been really weepy the last week.  For instance, I dropped my son at my mom's yesterday and my sister was there and said have a good day as I was leaving and I was in tears by the time I got to the car.  One day last week after dropping the boy off at school, I had to fight back tears on the way to work.  I've been back on anti-depressants for over a month now, so I don't know what is going on.  Hmmm... was nice.  My family did our traditional Christmas breakfast at my mom's house and opened gifts.  We even broke from tradition and did Christmas dinner at my oldest sister's house, as a matter of fact, we just got home.  Needless to say, I AM STUFFED!  The food and the company was great! 

On to my small rant.  I'm going to try and keep it short because I don't want to give him that much of my energy this post to be a downer.  So, it is almost 7 pm and ask me if the boy has heard from his dad yet?! He called me briefly while we were at my sister's to ask for my brother in laws phone number; never asked about our son, never asked to speak to him, nothing.  Every time I think I'm over it (whatever "it" is), he does yet one more thing that makes me wish his sperm and my egg had never met. 

So, on that note, I leave you all with another Merry Christmas!  Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Randomness from The Mom

Hey's it going?  I haven't shared my random thoughts lately so I thought I would.  Here ya go:

This thought is not meant to be offensive or thoughtless but it's something that crossed my mind recently.  I notice that women seem to take ALL of the heat when it comes to affairs.  If she's sleeping with a married man, she's a skank, whore, slut, etc., and usually it's other women throwing these names around.  I often wonder if men look at other men that are sleeping with married women and call them names...hmmm...I doubt it.  Personally, I think the man that is married and sleeping with multiple women is the slut, whore, etc.  Then again, I have found that I think and act totally different from 95% of females that I know and have encountered...oh well. 

On a lighter note; I refuse to turn my a/c back on at home but it has been so uncomfortable in the house the last few nights.  I've been turning the ceiling fans on so we can sleep somewhat comfortable.  It's been around 80 degrees for the last couple of weeks...ugh.  I know this is part of living where I live but sometimes, it would be nice to have a cool Christmas, not a Christmas with beach weather. 

I'm still wondering why 4th grade has been so easy for my son.  I really feel like I'm missing something and they're going to spring some crazy hard work on him for the rest of the year and he won't be prepared.  He got his report card Friday and made the Honor Roll (YAY!).  Don't get me wrong, this is how he normally performs, and I'm super proud of him, but I think the rough year he had last year really threw me.  Is 3rd grade really that hard in my state?!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I need this purple nail polish!

So, yeah, I don't have anything else to do right now so I'm going to talk about nail polish!  I am the least girly female I know but for the past couple of years, I DO make a point of keeping my toes pretty.  I discovered a new brand a couple of years ago called Zoya because they were giving away 3 free bottles of polish...who doesn't love free stuff?!

I now own 8 bottles of polish (is that too much?) and I'm really trying to talk myself out of getting another but I really want this...
I promise if I get this purple, my collection will be complete and I won't buy anymore.  So, what do you do to make yourself feel pretty, good, etc?

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Random thoughts at The Mom Spot

I know I haven't been around much.  Just working, fighting off a depression episode, looking for a new job, being a student and oh parenting (LOL), I just haven't had the notion to post anything. 

Things are going ok here; not much new to report in our boring routine lives.  I'm halfway through my last two courses and ready for them to end.  I'm also in the process of searching for a place to do my capstone (internship) and as of yet getting no responses...ugh! I know I will find somewhere because I can NOT get this close to graduation and then have a glitch...not happening. 

On to the boy, he is doing awesome in spite of having me as a mom school and in general! I am SOOO proud of him.  The grading period ends next Friday and he currently has 3 A's and 2 B's...Woo Hoo!  The funny part is the two B's are in his favorite and usually his best subjects; Science and Math.  One of his teachers even told me that he's asking questions this year, which is great because that's been an issue in the past.  I think his shyness prevented him from asking questions when he needed to. 

That's all for now.  Figured I should post something before I forget how...
Have a great weekend all!

Monday, October 15, 2012

My new pet peeve...texting this has zero to do with parenting, or being a mom but I'm still posting it because it's my blog I want to.   Before I get bashed; I am a texter and understand the appeal.  I was introduced to texting in 2008 by this guy and it worked for our situation.  I work in a call center and am attached to a phone all day and am unable to take personal calls, so texting is great when I'm at work because I can still be in touch, if needed. 

So, onto my peeve.  I see what texting has done to teens and the 20 something generation.  They seem to have no idea how to have real conversations with people.  For instance, my 24 year old niece (mom of 3) will text me late in the evening to ask me to watch one or all of her babies.  Huh?  Isn't this something you pick up the phone for?  My response is usually no response. 

The texting craze seems to be affecting people in my age range (40's) and older people also.  For instance, just today I got a 4 page text from my sister ! Again...huh?! My only reply to the text was "ok" was all I could muster. Funny, because I actually started this post before I got the megatext from her (but she confirmed why I'm posting this). First of all, you are mid to late 50's with a birthday quickly approaching...if you need to tell me something, pick up the phone when I'm off work or catch me on Saturday when I'm off.  Also, my good friend who will be 60 this year (that I introduced to texting), will text me even when he knows I'm not working.  Last year, I even got a birthday text instead of a call from a family member! Who does this? 

I could go on and on but I won't.  Just needed to get this off my chest.  I already feel distant from my sisters (different post for a different day) lately and texting me instead of calling, doesn't help that situation.  This is another case of technology gone wrong it seems.  Am I alone in feeling this way? I guess I will just continue to not respond. 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Mom Spot Randomness...

I really haven't had much to say lately and nothing interesting going on.  My life stays pretty routine, which works for me most of the time. 

I will start off by reporting on how the boy and I are doing in school.  He is doing great so far in 4th grade!  It's almost wierd because it seems as though this year is really too easy.  Maybe after the difficult time he had in 3rd grade, this year just seems like a breeze.  I don't know.  So far he has two A's, a B, and a C (which I know he'll pull up before the grading period ends). I'm just really proud of him...Woo Hoo!

The three classes I was taking ended this week and grades were posted yesterday...drumroll please....two A's and a B!!!  I was SO afraid of taking three classes at once, but I did it (patting myself on the back). 

Not much else is going on in our lives right now.  We are FINALLY getting some cool mornings here...finally!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The N word

It's been a minute since I've posted, sorry.  Busy trying to keep up with the boy, 3 classes and the dreaded job.  Things have been pretty good my way though; school is still going well for both of us, which makes me smile!

My son has a friend from soccer that he's known for a few years and we got  a chance to see them this weekend (fun!).  We actually hadn't seen them in a year although they only live a few blocks away.  The mom went back to work full time and she works an odd schedule like mine; she works on days that I'm off, so getting together just hasn't happened. 

This family includes a mom from Argentina but she's been in the US for several years now, and dad is white and a son and daughter.  I mentioned this because I wanted to think it has alot to do with the rest of the story I'm about to post. 

Anyway, we were going to the beach in the evening but the clouds came and the sprinkles started so we just went to their house and sat and talked for FOUR hours about everything. At one point the daughter, who plays viola and just started middle school, came out to tell me about how she wanted to start a band with her 2 best friends who are black.  She wanted to call the band Oreo, which I thought was cute!  As the convo went on, she mentioned that one of the girls said they could call the band "One cracker and two black girls."  So she said her reply was "we can call it "one cracker and two niggers." The mom joined in on telling the story and they were laughing as I sat there giving them both a blank stare (wish I could insert a gif here). 

Let me also mention that my son has no black friends, although I try to expose him to different situations, but I guess he likes who he likes and I have no problem with that.  Back to the story...I wasn't sure how to address that because I'm usually very vocal, but this caught me off guard.  I think mom noticed the look on my face and mentioned that the girls were all just joking.  I do plan to address this with the mom because I understand she is not from this country and doesn't understand the history of the N word or this country's racial history.  That being said, part of me feels bad because I should have taken that moment to give her and her daughter a brief education. 

Now, I'm feeling that I need to educate my son on this word just in case he's around them and they casually throw that around again...Awww...the joys of parenting.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Random thoughts this way come

Well, this is week 3 of school; so far so good.  The little one likes his teachers and seems (dare I say) a bit excited about school.  He has only had one full week so far because last Monday was cancelled due to a tropical storm, he was sick Tuesday and Wednesday and this Monday was a holiday.  Sometimes, it seems these kids are out of school more than they are in. 

This is also week 3 for me in school far, so good!  I'm taking 3 courses (usually only take 2) but I think I can pull it off.  This is my last semester of courses before taking my Capstone (internship) next semester and then......I'm DONE!!!!!

I have had a couple of job interviews last week and I'm excited to be getting some hits on the thousands of resumes I've been sending out. As much as I loathe my current job, part of me realized that I like having a weekday off and being able to pick my son up from school that one day.  I don't know....

My dream job would be no job at all but still being able to make money.  Being unemployed for two years has made me a HORRIBLE employee and I really want to be my own boss.  I just can't come up with a legal business idea that would make enough money to sustain my son and I and our home plus health insurance and so forth.  I'm still holding out hope for a sugardaddy mate someday.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Three things for this week

1. Sun!!! We have had SO much rain here, I thought I was going to have to buy a canoe

2. One week of school down successfully...(many more to go)

3. Beach!! Going to the beach today and cooking out with family for mom's birthday.  This summer the pool has replaced the beach for some reason. We haven't been to the beach at all this summer (unlike us).  I guess when you're less than 10 mins from water in any direction, you take it for granted.

What is everyone else thankful for today?

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Three on Thursday...(yeah, I know what day it is)

I'm really going to do better about posting this on Thursday; promise.  Now, let me try and find 3 things to be thankful for (in spite of the fact that my ENTIRE purse was stolen yesterday).  Here goes:

1. Neither of my accounts were touched by the asshole(s) thieve(s) that took my purse...YAY!

2. I have a free night to myself since little one is spending the night with a friend!

3. It didn't rain today (okay, so I'm reaching with this one)

Monday, August 6, 2012

How much pushing is too much? son started playing soccer at age 4 and played for four seasons.  He also expressed an interest in playing football when he was 4 but dad suggested waiting until he was older, so I signed him up for flag football when he was 5.  Needless to say, that was a nightmare from day one!  I forced made him stick with it for five weeks and he played one game but it was too much.  I saw my sweet child become this tantrum throwing, crying, different child and I actually had to carry him out of the last practice as he kicked, screamed, hit at me and tried to bite me! 

Anywho....last year he also decided he didn't want to play soccer anymore (sniff, sniff).  I loved him playing soccer and me being team mom but oh well.  It worked out for the best that he sat out because 3rd grade was HARD for him and he needed to just focus on school.  Well, here we are and sign up has begun for the season and he is again saying he doesn't want to play.  I suggested baseball, karate (martial arts), basketball, or flag football (with a different league, of course) and he has said NO to all of it. 

Last night, he told me he doesn't want to play sports and would like it if I stopped asking....okaaayyy. So, at what point does a parent become too pushy?  He doesn't have to play sports but I would like him to try something.  We even went to a Cub Scouts meeting last year and he said no to that.  With him being an only child, I try to encourage him to participate in things in order to meet people. 

Should I just let it go?

Friday, August 3, 2012

Thursday Thankfulness (on Friday)

Here are 3 things I'm thankful for today.

1. Tomorrow off!!!

2. Sunshine

3. Tax free weekend starts today.  Time to school shop (even though I'm broke as a joke)

Link up and tell me what you're thankful for.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Guess who FINALLY lost another tooth...!

That's baby!  One of the top front teeth finally came out two years behind most of his friends/classmates today and he looks super cute.  So this makes number 2 that he's lost naturally and hopefully he's on a roll now and won't have to have anymore pulled. 

He did get his space maintainer in last week on his bottom teeth.  He whined for a few days I thought I was going to pull my ears off but I think he's used to it now. The two new bottom teeth are growing in nicely and I have to pray that the rest of his teeth continue to come in the way they should.

Guess my baby really is growing up...sniff, sniff. 

Friday, July 27, 2012

Mom Spot randomness

I haven't posted much lately; guess I haven't had much to say honestly.  Life is pretty much the samehere.  Trying to enjoy both of us being out of school and finding cheap/free fun things to do with my son.  I want to plan a back to school, celebrate passing 3rd grade and state testing theme park trip soon. 

We have been trying to get more active the past few weeks.  I walk while my son rides his bike for at least 20 minutes and we've really been enjoying it.  When we first started, we were getting a lot of rain, so we got rained on a few evenings and had to skip several days.  I just hope we can keep this up once we start back to school and our evenings have to include homework...we shall see.

On a different note, I have recently realized that I no longer turn my nose up or judge women that do not have custody of their child/ren.  Being a parent is SO tough some times and add to that your own personal issues and sometimes it can feel like carrying a mountain.  If a woman feels it's best to let her ex husband/baby daddy/mother/sister what have you raise her child, then who am I to talk bad about her. 

The last few years have made me realize just how judgmental I was.  Every man not living with his kids was a deadbeat, every woman/man that slept with a married person was a whore, every woman not raising her kids was pathetic, etc.  I have come to realize I'm no better than anyone and several of the things I said I would never do; I HAVE done.  I just felt I needed to share this.

Until next time.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Free movies

I'm sure many of you know this already but many local movies show free movies during the summer.  Muvico is one of the companies and Regal shows $1 movies.  It's something fun and inexspensive to do with the kids during the summer. 

Today my son and I saw Rango (no we have never seen it before...whatever).  The movie was really cute actually.  One thing that bugged me is the theater was filled with little kids, like toddlers, and personally I don't think they really understood or followed the movie.  Anywho...happy viewing y'all!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Another day at the dentist...

Last summer my son had to have some teeth pulled because a permanent tooth was growing in behind a baby tooth.  The dentist wanted to pull 3 but my wallet I told them to just pull 2; so they pulled the one that had the new tooth behind it and the one next to it. Anyway, the new tooth grew in and eventually moved into place just fine but the dentist said this would be an ongoing process...yay.

A few days ago, I discovered a new tooth growing in the empty spot and I already knew it wouldn't have room so I made an appointment.  Well, the boy went in today and they pulled the tooth next to the new one, which was a canine and they also pulled his canine on the other side as well as a loose one next to it.  My poor baby now only has 6 teeth on the bottom. 

This evening he said "I look like a baby with these 2 teeth in the front."  I don't want him to be self conscious but want to do what's best for his teeth.  The dentist fit him for a space maintainer because she said the canines are anchor teeth and without them his teeth can shift.  Now I'm having second thoughts about the space maintainer because my son says he doesn't want it.  It will be cemented in and he may have to wear it several years until his new canines come in! 

Decisions, decisions...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Randomness at The Mom Spot

I've been feeling "icky" the last couple of days.  I had an interview and 2 appointments today and cancelled all of them because I just didn't feel up to it.  I could definitely morph into a hermit if I didn't have my son.  I know part of how I've been feeling is depression and my doc put me back on anti-depressants and couple of weeks ago but I wonder if something else is going on with me....don't know

Today, I'm having a "hate my life" sort of moment.  I know that's horrible to say but I keep thinking of all of the what ifs such as what if we had plenty of money, if I didn't have to go to this crappy ass job 5 days a week, if I had someone to partner with in the day to day stuff (parenting, repairs, cleaning, decisions, whatever). I have no desire to be married again but ocassionally I think about how much simpler some things would be with two heads, incomes, etc.

Sorry for the downer post; I'm sure the next one will be more upbeat and positive.  Off to cook some lasagna rolls for dinner. 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Why does parenting have to be so hard sometimes?

I posted about my son wanting to go to camp with the church this week.  I was asking for advice which I got none of here about whether to let him go or not. Anyway, they are pulling out in the morning and I had already let him know I didn't feel comfortable with him going.  Today I said once and for all that he would not be going and I have NEVER seen him so disappointed...ever. 

It's been a rough day because he's been crying and sad most of the day with intermittent spurts of being ok.  He was just getting ready for bed and the tears started again because it hit him again.  He said "I just can't believe I'm not going in the morning." 

I think I made the right choice but now I'm second guessing and wondering WHO I made the right choice for.  It almost seems unfair that I'll be headed back to work in the morning (been off for a week) and he'll be stuck here with my mom or his dad instead of being at camp.

Why does parenting have to be so hard sometimes?...

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Thursday thanfulness: Thankful for a week off

So I'm off this week and enjoying most of the time with my son. This time we're just hanging at home and getting some stuff done as well as having some fun.  As much as I enjoy vacations away, I also like staycations! These days at home have really made me long for my days of unemployment.  Yes I know millions of people are out of work and would love to have my job and I would gladly give it to any one of them but I would rather be an at home mom.  There is SO much that needs to be done in my home that goes neglected because I just don't have the time, energy, desire, etc. Anywho...this is supposed to be a thankfulness post, isn't it? Here are my 3 for this week:

1. Happy for the week off

2. 2 more months of freedom before I go back to being a student

3. Peace of mind (for the most part)

Monday, June 11, 2012

Is 9 too young for sleep away camp?

I'm really having a hard time with this decision. Our church is taking the kids to camp next week and of course my son wants to go.  I've known about it for about a month and still can't make a final decision.  I don't go to church because I'm at work on Sundays but my son usually goes with my mom or sister.  My son is there every Sunday listening to them talk about how much fun it is and he has wanted to go from the begining.  Here are my  issues:

The camp is is NC!  Of all the camps in FL, why couldn't they find somewhere here to go? 

I will not be there!  My sister and 13 year old niece are going but it's still not me.  I'm off this week and had I known about it last October when I had to put in for my vacation, I would have taken next week off instead.

They will be gone for a whole week! Why not a long weekend instead?

I finally discussed it with his dad today and at first he said as long as auntie is going it's ok.  Then he found out she wouldn't be in the same cabin with him and he said "maybe he can wait until he's older." He didn't really give me a yes or no though.

I know if I say no, my son will be disappointed but I'm really not sure about what to do.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Random rainy, Tuesday thoughts

I haven't been sharing my random thoughts lately but they're piling up, so I better get some of them out..LOL!

I know that my blog has readers but why doesn't anyone comment on my posts?  Are they boring, not catchy enough...what?  I would love thoughts on this subject.

Only 2 days of school left and I will have a 4th grader!  My son PASSED the state assesment and I am SO proud of him!!! Yes, I know this deserved it's own post; especially after the tough year he's had in school.  Did I say how proud I was?  The principal saw me Friday and came out and hugged me.  She said when she got the scores, his was the first one she looked for. 

On the subject of principal..on the way home, my son just told me that his principal is leaving!!  I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut.  This one makes me sad because I really had hoped she would stay there until my son finished elementary school.  A few months ago, I even told her she had to stay at least 2 more years...LOL!  I really thought she would stay because her daughter is starting kindergarten this year but oh's to Mrs. P!  You are an AWESOME principal and great with the kids; thanks for the last 4 years.

I'm supposed to go out with my sister on Friday.  Will I go or won't I?  I am so out of the loop with anything remotely adult-like going out and part of me is nervous.  The last time she asked me was a few months ago and I backed out at the last minute.  It would be fun to do something besides my usual but I'm not sure.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Happy Thursday

Well, I have quite a bit to be thankful for (will post more later), but here are my 3 for today:

1. Payday is tomorrow and for the first time since starting this sorry ass job, all bills are paid AND I have money left!

2.  Another weekoff coming up soon.  Now that I look at the calendar, I probably should've done a better job of spacing out my time off but oh well.

3.  School is almost out for the boy...woo hoo!!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Three on Thursday

Yes, I know, I've been hit or miss with my 3 on Thursday posts.  Anyway, here are my three for this week.

1. The boy passed another important test this week....2 more to go!

2. Rain!...we SO needed it

3. Another year with my mom and another year of being a mom.

Link up and share what you're thankful for.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Can mom go on strike...?

So, I'm the mother of an only child as most of you know.  I have to say, for the most part, he really is a good kid most of the time, but Houston...I think we have a problem.  I guess with him being an only child, it was easy for me to go overboard with taking care of him.  I mean it's not like I had 5 kids thank God to care for; just one.

I have realized lately though, that he is a bit lazy.  I don't make him do much shame on me and he only has a couple of chores. I ask him to empty the trash in his room and the bathroom and lately I have asked him to stop dropping his lunchbox on the couch.  My specific request for the lunchbox is take it to the kitchen and empty it out so it's ready for the next morning.

Well this morning I'm doing my usual routine and start fixing his lunch lunchbox.  I have told him if the box isn't in the kitchen, he will get no lunch and have to eat whatever is at school.  This morning I say "I don't see a lunchbox" and he says he's getting it.  As he's bringing the lunchbox into the kitchen he says "sometimes you're selfish." 

Ruh Roh (in my best Scooby voice)....rewind and let's try that again.  I leaned in really close and said "what did you say?" Of course, his reply was "nothing." forward to my question. Have I spoiled him? Do I do too much for him at 9? Should I back off and let him take on more responsibility? Do I already know the answers to all of those questions?

Chime in readers and tell me what you think.


Mom about to go on strike

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

"Wow son, you smell good!"

This is what I said to the boy last night after his shower.  In the family room last night, this nice, familiar, soft scent kept sweeping across my nose but I really didn' t think much of it at first.  It wasn't until I went toward the bathroom and the scent got stronger that it hit me...Japanese Cherry Blossoms!

Yes, my son showered with my Bath & Body works shower gel...LOL! He has done this before with other shower gels but for some reason this time was just funny.  So...I figured I would come in here and write about it.  Maybe in 20 years when he's married, I'll share this story with his wife!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Quick random thoughts

Tonight, I will do my last assignments and take my last quiz until Fall term and I'm more excited than I imagined! I can not wait to come home from work on Sunday and not have assignments to finish or quizzes to take.  I really need this break because I have not had a good couple of focus has been totally off.

I'm finally biting the bullet and going to find a counselor to start seeing.  I'm also seeing the doc in a couple of weeks and will be begging asking to go back on anti-depressants for awhile. It's time to get out of this fog.

That's all for now.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

3 more things

Yea, yea, yea, I know today isn't Thursday...sorry.  Here are my 3 things that I'm thankful for today.

1. I will be done with these 2 classes next week and I'm taking the summer off!!!!!!

2.  Chocolate/chocolate chip cupcakes....need I say more

3.  Saturday...I get to hang out with the boy!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Random thoughts revisited

I just realized I haven't been posting random thoughts lately.  I'm going to try again to make this a weekly post, like the 3 things postings. thoughts for the day.

Why does the non-custodial parent always seem to have a suggestion for how you, the custodial parent, can do a better job?  How about you (non-custodial parent) do what I do everyday and then come talk to me?!

I still loathe this job I'm on and it is still sucking the life from me.  I have been applying to jobs since November and have not even had ONE interview! I'm really starting to think something might be wrong with me.  I keep reading that the unemployment rate is dropping in FL but...

So the boy took state testing last week and now we just wait to see if he passed and will be a 4th grader next year.  Did I mention, I hate this test and this is the reason I originally planned to put him in private school?  After the tough, trying school year he has had, I wonder if I made the wrong choice by sending him to public school.  I've really been beating myself up and second guessing my decision.  It doesn't help that I saw the mom of his former classmate last week and she said her son just made the honor roll at his new private school!  This is a little boy that could barely read (I know because I used to grade his tests last year in 2nd grade).  He was also in my son's class this year and she took him out of school back in January.  Anywho...guess it's too late at this point to cry over spilled milk. 

On the school note...I told my son that I would let him have a hookie day once testing was over so he's home with me today.  I just wish we could think of something fun to do that didn't take a lot of money. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

The "family" thing..

I may have posted about this before and if I did just get over it please forgive me. 

I understood that I would be parenting alone when I was only a few months pregnant because that is when the ex divorced me.  I think for the most part I was ok with it even though I do not like being labeled a single mother.  Back then, I was different though.  I didn't think I would be alone for ever because for some crazy reason, I really did want to get married again and have at least one more child. 

Anyway, fast forward 9 years to now.  On Friday, son and I went to his school for family night as we have done every year since he started kindergarten.  I always enjoy these nights and appreciate the PTA members for doing this for the school.  This is the second time though, that I've had these pangs of insecurity something in my gut. I just felt totally out of place among all of the husband/wife/multiple children families. On the way home, that feeling turned to sadness for my son. 

The sadness is because he will never get to experience what I had growing up; mom, dad and 4 sisters.  That was my plan for any kids I had; mom, dad, at least one sibling.  Was that too much to expect?! My sadness then quickly turned to anger at the ex when I realized things should have been different. 

Yesterday didn't help the situation.  I work Sundays and when we got home my son just went to the family room and started crying.  When I asked what was wrong, he said "he doesn't get to be a regular kid."  He said when he gets home during the week he has to do homework, eat and get ready for bed (I work until 6, unfortunately).  He said he wishes he could come home and have time to play.  Of course, I started thinking that if I had a husband, he could do that and he could stay home on Sunday while I worked instead of having to go to someone else's house all day. 

I guess this is just my thoughts vent for the day. 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Today's thankfulness

Sometimes it is really difficult for me to see the positive in my world (the reason I started this series).  The last couple of weeks, I've been making more of an effort on a daily basis to be more positive. 

Three things for today:

1. Just had more financial aid added to my account! How weird is that considering we are about 13 weeks into the semester.  Maybe this is confirmation that I should take summer classes.  It didn't look like I would get enough aid for summer but now I can use this money toward summer classes. 

2. I think my son has a new play date buddy (and he lives right down the street)! He has known this boy since 1st grade because they go to school together and they are in class together again this year; for some reason my son never wanted to play with him outside of school, even though the boy used to ask for playdates.  Last week we found out they just bought a house not far from us because son left homework at school at we had to get it from this boy  and we went over for a little while.  They had a ball! Now they both keep asking to play with each other.

3. Our home

Don't be shy readers...let me know what you're thankful for today. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

So...we're back (and have been for over a week)

Vacation was LOVELY and very much needed by both of us! We flew to NC on Monday and drove from there to Alexandria, VA on Tuesday morning. I am in love with that city!!! It was so nice and walkable and did I say nice...LOL! We only spent one day walking until our feet fell off touring DC and that was a lot of fun. My son really enjoyed the Smithsonian Air and Space museum and so did I (in spite of the $8 batteries I purchased at the gift shop). We have to go back when we can spend more time and the boy won't whine and complain the whole time about walking see some of what we missed.

On another note, I realized just how much this job is affecting my moods, life and health while we were on vacation. I did not have one moment of wanting to cry or scream and no episodes of a racing heart and headaches either. My son didn't have one episode of upset stomach or morning vomiting either. I guess we both really needed a break from our lives more than I realized. I can't wait until the next getaway but I guess I need to learn to deal with my real life huh?!

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot...on Friday when we got back to NC, we spent one night at Great Wolf Lodge  and it was a blast! We almost had to leave the boy behind could not get the little one to leave on Saturday. If you have young kids and are anywhere near one of these, it is well worth it.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

3 things on Thursday...(or whatever day it happens to be)

1. One more day of work and then we're are out of here for a week!!

2. Health and life (realized even more lately how important good health is)

3. Forgiveness (I've been needing this a lot lately )

What are you thankful for? Post your 3 (or more) here.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

3 things this Thursday

I'm really enjoying these posts because it is helping me to remember what is important.

1. Glad to be done with classes for now and have a week long break.

2. All bills were paid for the month and no leftovers going into March

3. Vacation at the end of the month...YAY!!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

3 things on Thursday

Yay me for posting 2 weeks in a row!!

1. Only ONE more week for these classes

2. I have submitted my parts for both of my group class projects...happy to be done with these groups and praying my next 2 classes have NO group projects.

3. Stopped by the beach before work this calming

Thursday, February 16, 2012

3 Things on Thursday...

So, yeah...I've been REALLY slack with these posts, I know. Here are my 3 things that I'm thankful for today:

1. The dentist found NO cavities when the boy went in today...YAY!

2. Only 2 weeks left after this for this tough class I'm taking..YAY!

3. I still have quite a bit of my financial aid money left...YAY!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Random thoughts

I know I've been missing. Between being a mom, student and working and just dealing with other stuff, I just haven't had time or energy to blog honestly. I will try to do better from here on out though. Here are my thoughts or in this case, questions:

Why do talented people leave this earth so young?

Well it was confirmed today, my son is on the potential retainee list. Third grade is going to be the death of both of us. How does an Honor Roll student get to this point? What did I do wrong?

When will my life get back to being somewhat simple? I never have a moment to just take care of me and I'm truly overwhelmed and burned out.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

9 years ago today....

My life changed in a big way...

After 8 hours of labor and a I don't remember how much pushing, my baby boy made it into the world. Today I became the mom of a 9 year old...WOW! Where has the time gone?! He had a great day (even though I had to work)and an awesome party yesterday!

Here's to another year together son.